So I was sitting (well slouching) on the sofa, watching some obscure lectures on human behaviour when we got to module 17, and the topic flashed up on the screen Human Sexual Behaviour. I was immediately taken back to my first year of secondary school and the Biology lesson with the giggle-provoking title of ‘Sex Education.’
I was 13 in 1974, and part of a group of 5 girls. We had come up through primary school together, but more as a protective collective than a diehard group of friends. We were all slightly strange/creative, and we clung together in school using the principles of; strength in numbers and an unpredictable degree of weirdness, to keep us safe from the crowd. This was never more helpful than when we transitioned at this age from primary to secondary education.
We had seen the title of the Biology module in our syllabus at the start of the academic year, and we had giggled and buzzed about it for the three months leading up to the lesson. This was also the catalyst for us to talk ‘a lot’ about what we thought we’d worked out about sex and all things boys.
The ultimate word and decision on whether a conclusion we had reached was bullshit or not, lay with Jackie, the daughter of two liberal hippies and the youngest of a ‘tribe of weans.’ As the youngest of 3 girls and 4 boys, with some ‘off the wall/permanently stoned’ parents, she had enough observational material on behaviours to write a thesis on life itself, and so we often bowed to her experiences. Although that said, it was Jackie that convinced me that you could get pregnant from a toilet seat if a man had sat down there previously to have a wee. The evidence was there; men peed standing up, and for no good reason that we could see, and the teacher had told us that the penis was a double delivery system, so it made sense that this could be right. This led to quite an obsession for a while with cleaning toilet seats and rocking a lifelong principle of; ‘if in doubt, it’s a lot less bover if you hover’.
What was ultimately disappointing and confusing about the school lesson, was that it focussed only on the mechanics of the process, the parts and health warranties so to speak, nothing about behaviour or emotion, and no opportunity to ask any questions. (Even if there was an opportunity, I don’t think anyone apart from a boy called Gary would have asked our teacher anything because he was way too cool and way too handsome to make that a possibility. Even the boys had a man crush on him.)
Today’s lecture was a bit more rounded than that of the 70’ class room, (although strangely enough, that is where the bearded lecturer looked like he belonged.) I was particularly fascinated with the stuff on the secondary sexual markers of health; big antlers, bright feathers, a firm jutting chin, but I really sat up and took notice when the lecture turned it’s focus to the females who mated with these ‘trophy males’.
It would appear that females seeking out these markers, do so because they believe them to be a true genetic quality assurance indicator. But here’s the rub, believing that this is what they have invested in when selecting a mate, they subsequently use more energy in growing then raising their offspring, so thereby creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of having a healthy and fit child. The mind says it is so and the body works hard to make it so.
Now I don’t want to offend or challenge anyone’s beliefs, but in my world, I do well to remember that I am simply a creature of this planet albeit with a disproportionate amount of real-estate and control. I too can set beliefs about the paradigms of my world and my brain can respond to make them so. If you chose to be unmindful, then you may well focus disproportionately on future struggles, worrying about the possible outcomes, then as Kyle Cease the comedian/philosopher said, that’s like the mental equivalent of drawing a picture of a monster then being scared witless by it every time you come across it.
Ask yourself this, how does a sperm know to find an egg and fertilise it, how does a hatched turtle know to head for the sea? Nobody taught them; there are just some natural states for a creature and humans to be it; co-operative, creative happy to name few. All the other stuff comes from thinking driven by; competition, ego, inflated self-worth, or loathing . These drive thinking, and then we act on that thinking as if we were defending a truth. If it’s just thinking that shapes your world then to change your world, you have only to change how you think about it. It doesn’t mean live in denial about the ills of the world but rather focus only on that which you can influence. You don’t need to hear about one world event being analysed a dozen ways or more because then you will have 12+ possible outcomes to worry about. Of course be aware, but realise you cannot control your world, or indeed anyone in it, the only place where you have complete control is where you choose to focus your attention. So give your brain something tangible and amazing to focus on and watch gently as your heartfelt dreams start to come alive. Look for the flow and ride the river, if it feels heavy like it could pull you down then cast it off and take the lighter path. Keep off of toilet seats just in case.
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