At some point or another, I find myself telling my clients that they are sealed units. Sure, there are a couple of ways in and a couple of ways out, but outside of that, absolutely everything is contained inside their bodies, and their thoughts only exist inside their heads. Take a minute or two to think about that, because that there is everything you need to know about being happy.
I had a brilliant conversation about anger and resentment the other day, and why people are just so happy to carry this around expecting that on some level, the person that they are feeling angry/resentful towards is experiencing it too, but how can they be? They too are sealed units! There’s no Bluetooth or wireless network to transmit these feelings, in fact, as far as I know, there is still only one or two ways to connect two human beings together, and that is for the transfer of a very different emotion.
Can you honestly expect anybody to experience your emotions as you do or understand the intricacies of your thoughts? The only thing that the other person can ever experience is your behaviour, and they get to make of that what they will. You’re transmitting your reality as you see it and they’re absorbing the information into theirs as they see it. Whatever you both tell yourself is the truth of the matter, then so shall it be Amen!
All you can do with anger is to let it go and instead practice being the gatekeeper that stops the train-wreck part of your mind getting its crazy mitts on it. Realise that whatever life is doing, it is not doing it to you. Yes, stuff is happening, and you are involved, but it is not happening to you, it is happening around you! Your job is to find the path through it by making the choices that bring you the most peace and not the ones that bring the most pain. You can only ever punish yourself by holding onto anger and resentment; it’s like punching yourself in the face and expecting to give somebody else a sore jaw!
it’s like punching yourself in the face and expecting to give somebody else a sore jaw!
Your feelings are your inner satnav, and they are there to nudge you in the right direction. Heavy = leave it, Lighter = follow it. They are excellent navigators if you learn to trust them. If you continue to engage with anything that causes you pain and upset, then you have to face the fact that you are like a wind-up toy that has hit the wall and without awareness is just going to keep going until you are exhausted.
Lose it, feel the pain of the loss then move on. Or lose it and don’t give it a second thought. I’m good with either.
lexfarndell.com 